


Keeping it Professional

by itsluckyyou



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, I APOLOGIZE, Peter will probably need some hugs at some point, This is my first group chat and avengers story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-06-26 02:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19758376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsluckyyou/pseuds/itsluckyyou
Summary: In which The Avengers have a group chat





	1. Chapter 1

**IAmIronMan** _created group_

**IAmIronMan** _added **HawkEye, Cap, BWidow, GreenMan, Thunder** to the group_

**IAmIronMan:** For emergencies only. No personal use.

 **Cap:** Sounds good.

 **BWidow:** Bold of you to assume that I would want to talk to you in any other setting than a professional one.

**IAmIronMan:** So we’re clear then? Everyone in agreement?

**HawkEye:** Business only.

 **Thunder:** I don’t get great service up here anyway.

**GreenMan:** Yes.

**IAmIronMan:** Good. Hopefully, all remains good and we don’t need this anyway.

_~ 2 years later ~_

**BWidow:** I’m just saying. Maybe if you had looked up the recipe before trying to cook the turkey, you wouldn’t be in this mess.

 **IAmIronMan:** Look, I didn’t message you guys to deal with your torment.

 **Bucky:** Well then you came to the wrong group.

 **HawkEye:** Just order something for delivery.

 **Cap:** Ha, the great Playboy philanthropist can’t figure out how to use a stove?

 **IAmIronMan:** Shut up. You’re still using a blackberry.

 **IAmIronMan:** Pepper is going to kill me.

 **BWidow:** Well after the last few months you kinda deserve it.

 **BWidow:** In my opinion.

 **IAmIronMan:** No. No I don’t. I was getting everything in order to protect the kid.

 **IAmIronMan:** speaking of which

 **GreenMan:** No. Stark. No.

 **Thunder:** On Asgard, we do not consume turkey. I am afraid I cannot be of assistance.

 **Cap:** Adding the kid is not only a terrible idea for the group, but a terrible idea for the kid. You know that.

 **Bucky:** plus he’s annoying and never shuts up.

 **BWidow:** He’s too young.

 **IAmIronMan:** First of all, you don’t know how old he is. Second, he’s not annoying, he’s just excited.

 **IAmIronMan:** Plus, I think adding him to this group will calm him down enough to stop asking me to bring him to space.

 **Thunder:** Space is not as dangerous as you’re making it out to be.

 **IAmIronMan:** I’m sorry. My last encounter with it almost killed me.

 **IamIronMan:** Look, I’m adding the kid, okay? Anything terrible happens or he just sucks, then we can remove him and try again later.

**IAmIronMan** _added **SpiderBoy** to the group_

**SpiderBoy:** It’s spiderman

 **Bucky:** You’re not fooling anyone kid.

 **SpiderBoy** _changed name to **SpiderMan**_

****

**SpiderMan:** Thanks for adding me, Mr. Stark.

 **Cap:** Business only, kid.

 **SpiderMan:** Got it. Sorry Mr. Captain sir.

 **Cap:** Steve is fine.

 **SpiderMan:** right okay sorry

 **GreenMan:** Kid, stop apologizing.

 **SpiderMan:** Oh Okay Mr. Banner

 **SpiderMan:** It’s just that Mr. Stark told me that I was treading on thin ice because you guys didn’t want me in the group and I don’t want to mess it up or let him down.

 **BWidow:** Why would you tell him that?

 **IAmIronMan:** I don’t lie.

 **Bucky:** You always lie.

 **Bucky:** You’re alright, Spidey. Just business only, okay?

 **SpiderMan:** Sure right okay.

 **IAmIronMan:** Alright, now that I’ve sat through the most awkward conversation I’ve ever witnessed, can we please get back to my problems?

 **Cap:** Do what Banner said. Order take out.

 **HawkEye:** that was my suggestion

 **Cap:** Whatever. Just do that.

 **SpiderMan:** Uh can I just ask a question?

 **IAmIronMan:** Does it pertain to my dinner date with pepper?

 **SpiderMan:** No

 **SpiderMan:**.. does this mean that I’m an avenger?

 **GreenMan:** Absolutely not.

 **BWidow:** You’ve got a lot of learn kid

 **Bucky:** No

 **IAmIronMan:** What did I say about imposing?

 **SpiderMan:** sorry okay thanks just wondering okay

 **IAmIronMan:** Kid you’re fine. You need to relax.

 **Thunder:** How old is this spiderman, son of iron?

 **IAmIronMan:** He’s not my son

 **SpiderMan:** 16

 **IAmIronMan:** Peter! I swear to God

 **HawkEye:** SIXTEEN?!

 **Cap:** Tony, you are putting a child in danger! This is unacceptable.

 **IAmIronMan:** Look, I’m not putting him in the line of fire immediately but somebody needs to be ready to take over when it’s necessary.

 **BWidow:** tony, he’s a child

 **IAmIronMan:** Exactly. And he has these powers anyway. Me helping him out isn’t putting him in any more danger than he’s already willing to put himself. At least this way I have eyes on him and the capability of helping him as necessary.

 **GreenMan:** It’s a bad idea, tony. Trusting him with intelligence, putting him in the line of fire. He needs to grow up.

 **Cap:** Look, I was also young when I decided to save the world, or what felt like the entire world at the time. This kid is obviously very admirable and brave. We should give him a shot.

 **Bucky:** I also was. The kid was strong enough to keep up at the airport.

 **GreenMan:** At an airport he had no business being in! What if one of us seriously hurt him?!

 **SpiderMan:** Wait. Uh Who’s Peter?

 **IAmIronMan:** It’s just a saying. I don’t know. For the love of Peter! Just.. It’s a saying okay?

 **SpiderMan:** I know I’m young and I don’t have the same level of experience as you all. I’m just trying to save people who you guys don’t normally help out and who the cops can’t get to fast enough. I mean, I can help with the bigger more alien type of stuff if you need me to but I’m really just trying to right some wrongs.

 **BWidow:** I can relate to that.

 **IAmIronMan:** Please, you have never done anything wrong in your life, Peter.

 **SpiderMan:** Stop calling me Peter!

 **SpiderMan:** and you don’t know everything about me

 **SpiderMan:** Sorry Mr. Stark.

 **SpiderMan:** I gotta study for midterms anyway so I’ll leave you all alone. Sorry about your dinner Mr. Stark 

**Bucky:** Wouldn’t have pegged you as a Peter.

 **SpiderMan:** My name’s not Peter.

 **IAmIronMan:** His name’s not Peter.

 **BWidow:**... right okay. 


	2. Chapter 2

Avengers

**GreenMan** _changed name to **Banner**_

****

**Cap:** Took you long enough

 **Bucky:** Steve, it’s not because he didn’t want, it just took him 2 years to figure out how to.

 **BWidow:** Leave him alone.

 **Thunder:** I do not enjoy my name either. Someone change it.

 **HawkEye:** I don’t think you want that power to be in just anybody’s hands.

 **Thunder:** Ironson, I need your assistance.

 **IAmIronMan:** He’s not my son.

 **IAmIronMan:** Are my names for you all not good enough for you?

 **BWidow:** Well, mostly everyone knows who we are so I don’t seem much of a point to hide behind our “hero” identities.

 **Cap:** Don’t put hero in quotes.

 **Banner:** We cause a lot of destruction, Cap.

 **Banner:** At least in the past.

 **Wanda:** For the greater good. Look, can we not have this discussion?

 **Wanda:** Again.

 **Cap:** Is that UN meeting still set for this Wednesday?

 **IAmIronMan:** Yes, against my better judgment, it is still happening. 10am. Promptly.

 **BWidow:** You’re the only one who’s ever late.

 **IAmIronMan:** I am a busy person. What can I say?

 **Thunder:** I am being ignored by a 16 year old boy child.

 **Wanda:** No you’re not. He’s studying.

 **Thunder:** That does not make me feel any better.

 **Thunder:** Instead of studying about the God of Thunder, he should be appeasing him.

 **HawkEye:** I agree.

 **BWidow:** Shut up Clint.

**Peter_Parker** _created group named “Homework SOS” _

**Peter_Parker** _added **DarkOne** and **NedL** to group_

**Peter_Parker:** Do you guys have any idea how to do the second problem on the calc homework?

 **DarkOne:** You’re seriously stuck on the second problem?

 **NedL:** How come MJ gets a cool nickname and my name is just my name?

 **Peter_Parker:** Guys, please just help me out.

 **Peter_Parker:** I’ve been working on it for like 20 minutes and still have the rest of the Spanish homework to do and tonight I have to go to work. I’ve taken the last week off for exams and things are getting shitty.

 **DarkOne:** You have a job?

 **Peter_Parker:** Kinda… internship… job. same thing.

 **DarkOne:** With Tony Stark?

 **NedL:** I’ll text you a picture of my homework once I’m finished. You can copy it… but change a few things. You know… so it doesn’t look like I gave it to you, okay?

 **Peter_Parker:** Thanks Ned

 **DarkOne:** Why don’t you just ask Stark to tutor you? Genius is in his tagline…

 **Peter_Parker:** He’s already helping me with a lot. I don’t want to be overbearing.

 **DarkOne:** You’re working for him without pay. He’s not doing much for you.

 **NedL:** That is true.

 **Peter_Parker:** Whatever. I’ll do Spanish and send it to you so we’re even, k?

 **NedL:** Sounds good. Tell Starky I said sup and that you know… I’m sorry again.

 **Peter_Parker:** Will do.

 **DarkOne:** How could you have possibly inconvenienced Stark?

 **NedL:** I hacked his networks

 **DarkOne:** When?

 **NedL:** homecoming

 **Peter_Parker:** Ned stop talking dude jeez

 **DarkOne:** Why?

 **NedL:** I just needed to. It doesn’t matter. You do Spanish, I’ll do math.

 **Peter_Parker:** and then I’ll be able to go to work for like an hour.

 **NedL** _changed name to **UltimateHacker**_

****

**DarkOne** _changed name of **UltimateHacker** to **Nerd2**_

****

**Nerd2:** who’s nerd 1?

**DarkOne** _changed named of **Peter_Parker** to **Nerd1**_

****

**Nerd2:** Now that’s just hurtful

**Nerd1:** Okay… well bye then.

**IAmIronMan** _invited **SpiderMan** to private chat: “The Kid”_

**IAmIronMan:** You okay kid?

 **SpiderMan:** Si. Yo estoy hacienda tarea

 **IAmIronMan:** you’ve been MIA for a week now which wouldn’t be concerning if you weren’t also insanely quiet.

 **SpiderMan:** I’ve had finals. I’m going patrolling tonight though.

 **IAmIronMan:** Have you been sleeping and eating enough to go sling webs and stop petty crime?

 **SpiderMan:** I’m fine.

 **SpiderMan:** Look, I gotta go. Finals.

 **_SpiderMan_ ** _left chat “ TheKid”_

__

Avengers

**Wanda:** I’m just saying, the more this conversation comes up, the more polarized you are all going to get. Just leave it alone already.

 **Vision:** It is not only arrogant, but ignorant to ignore the problems in hopes it will prevent them from existing 

**Bucky:** Who got the drone a phone?

 **Vision:** I am not a drone.

 **Thunder:** Why has my name not been changed yet? Where is the spiderboy?

 **Banner:** Do it yourself dude. Top corner.

 **Cap:** He’s studying

 **IAmIronMan:** Finals week.

 **HawkEye:** You know, every so often I forget he’s a kid.

 **Thunder:** I was just 4 the first time that Loki tried to kill me.

 **BWidow:** right

 **IAmIronMan:** Okay…. well on that note, UN meeting at 10 on Wednesday. No being late. It’s about the Accords.

 **IAmIronMan:** they were edited before you say anything regarding the first drafts.

 **Panther:** I will not be in attendance but am sending a very highly regarded associate of mine.

 **Cap:** We really need everyone there.

 **Panther:** That’s too bad.

 **IAmIronMan:** Send me the details of the person standing in for you so that I can give him/her access.

 **IAmIronMan:** And do the appropriate background checks.

 **Cap:** I thought everyone had to be in attendance?

 **Wanda:** I know Peter isn’t going

 **Bucky:** which makes sense because he isn’t an Avenger … he’s a kid

 **Panther:** I am a Wakandan first.

 **SpiderMan:** A kid with the lives of everyday people on his hands.

 **SpiderMan:** You guys have such a problem with people and the media because you destroy buildings and lives but never help repair anything.

 **SpiderMan:** You only focus on aliens which isn’t a threat that people really care about unless it’s happening.

 **IAmIronMan:** alright kid, easy.

 **SpiderMan:** I might be a kid but at least I am aware of the shit that this group causes. And I know how to actually save people without destroying entire cities or airports or whatever.

**IAmIronMan** _removed **SpiderMan** from group “Avengers”_

**IAmIronMan:** Kid has a point

 **Vision:** the only way to fix this is to make sure the people know that we are willing to fix it.

 **Cap:** not by selling our souls to a room full of agendas.

 **Wanda:** Just wait until the meeting, okay.

 **Wanda:** Stark says it’s different and has been revised. We don’t need to make this like last time.

 **IAmIronMan:** Thanks Wanda.

 **Wanda:** This goes south, I’m still on the other side Stark.

 **IAmIronMan:** noted.

**IamIronMan** _created group “So Help Me God”_

__

**IAmIronMan** _added **Peter_Parker** to group “SoHelpMeGod”_

__

**IAmIronMan:** What’s your problem?

 **IAmIronMan:** And if you leave this group, I am going to lose my shit 

**Peter_Parker:** I’m sick of being treated like a kid.

 **IAmIronMan:** you’re 16, Peter

 **Peter_Parker:** I save people all of the time.

 **Peter_Parker:** Or at least I did..

 **IAmIronMan:** stop for finals?

 **Peter_Parker:** Yeah but I shouldn’t have.

 **IAmIronMan:** That’s okay.. you’re a student and you should be a student first. The cops are fully capable of handling a few days of crime by themselves.

 **Peter_Parker:** People are wondering where SpiderMan went.

 **IAmIronMan:** Even spiderman has to prioritize himself first sometimes. It’s fine kid.

 **IAmIronMan:** And I know it doesn’t feel fine and that’s alright but it doesn’t need to consume you. There is one more day left of testing and then you have an entire week off 

**IAmIronMan:** Just breathe every so often. You’re doing fine

 **Peter_Parker:** Thanks Mr. Stark.

 **IAmIronMan:** You think you’re ready to rejoin the group now?

 **Peter_Parker:** Oh god yeah I have to apologize.

 **Peter_Parker:** I was so rude

 **IAmIronMan:** Okay kid. I’m gonna have to have you relax again.

**IAmIronMan** _added **Peter_Parker** to the group “Avengers”_

__

**Peter_Parker:** I am so sorry guys.

 **Bucky:** Parker?

**IAmIronMan** _removed **Peter_Parker** from the group “Avengers”_

__

**IAmIronMan** _added **SpiderMan** to the group “Avengers”_

**IAmIronMan:** My apologies… Parker is an intern with SI.

 **BWidow:** Right

 **Bucky:** What was this Peter Parker kid so sorry for?

 **IAmIronMan:** He hacked my systems.

 **SpiderMan:** No he didn’t. That wasn’t him.

 **IAmIronMan:** He ordered the hacking of my systems.

 **SpiderMan:** That is… more fair. Okay.

 **SpiderMan:** I am sorry I was so rude.

 **BWidow:** It’s okay Peter.

 **IAmIronMan:** His name isn’t peter. C’mon Nat..

 **Thunder:** You are all morons.


	3. Chapter 3

"Avengers"

**Thunder:** Does anyone have any milk that I can borrow?

 **Banner:** What could you possibly want with milk?

 **IAmIronMan:** How would we even get it to you?

 **Thunder:** Well I would fly to your coordinates. Naturally.

 **IAmIronMan:** Naturally

 **SpiderMan:** But then why wouldn’t you just fly to a store?

 **Thunder:** Your father’s last name should be Snark and not Stark because then your name would be Snark.

 **Bucky:**.... good one.... 

**SpiderMan:** My last name is Parker.

 **SpiderMan:** And I wasn’t being snarky.

 **SpiderMan:** Flying to a store on your planet seems a lot more practical than flying all the way down here and borrowing milk.

 **Wanda:** Unless he wasn’t on Asgard.

 **Banner:** uh oh

 **Thunder:** Of course I’m not on Asgard you fool. Asgard was destroyed.

 **Cap:** So where are you then?

 **Thunder:** Well I was trying to find a clever way of saying that I am visiting Earth as it is my father’s final resting place may he rest in peace.

 **SpiderMan:** My dad died too…. also on earth.

 **Thunder:** Don’t be silly. We all know who your father is.

 **IAmIronMan:** alright, this is turning into a really deep and personal discussion and it’s making Bruce uncomfortable so I’m going to have to put an end to it.

 **KevinBaconFan1:** My dad killed my mom and then tried to kill me and pretty much the entire universe once.

 **KevinBaconFan1:** God damn it, who changed my name?

 **Cap:** Who are you?

 **KevinBaconFan1:** I’m Starlord… you might have heard of me.

 **Cap:** I have not.

 **IAmIronMan:** Don’t bother. Guy thinks Footloose was the greatest movie of all time.

 **Bucky:** Never heard of it.

 **Cap:** What’s Footloose?

 **SpiderMan:** Oh it’s this really lame movie where some kids get into a car accident and then the town government is like “That’s it! no more dancing” and then they dance anyway.

 **KevinBaconFan1:** It’s beautiful.

 **Bucky:** Sounds stupid.

 **IAmIronMan:** And for once we agree on something.

 **Banner:** Are you on Earth now?

 **Thunder:** Yes, in Odinland.

 **SpiderMan:** Is that what you call Maryland?

 **IAmIronMan:** No kid, it’s not. Don’t you have homework or something to be doing? You're embarrassing the team. 

**SpiderMan:** No

 **SpiderMan:** I mean technically, yes but it’s not due until Friday so I have time.

 **Cap:** Do it now, kid. Take it from me. Procrastination is not something you want to ever have on your resume.

 **SpiderMan:** Well of course I wouldn’t put it on my resume. I’m not stupid.

 **IAmIronMan:** Could’ve fooled me.

 **IAmIronMan:** Do your homework, kid. Bye.

 **SpiderMan:** But I just said I have time!

 **Thunder:** Listen to your father, son. One day you will not have him to look up to.

 **SpiderMan:** …I know that.

 **BWidow:** Peter, you just told me that you got a B in geography and that it was killing you. Go study.

 **SpiderMan:** I’ve got it under control! I want to meet Thor!

 **Thunder:** Spiderkid, you cannot talk to your mother like that.

 **SpiderMan:** Oh my god, my mom is dead too.

 **SpiderMan:** For real, you’re just trying to crush me, aren’t you? You know and you’re just trying to make me sad and log off.

 **Cap:** Peter, just listen, okay? I’m sure Thor will be here over the weekend and we can all hang out at Stark Towers then, alright?

 **IAmIronMan:** that’s it… just everyone invite yourselves over.

 **Thunder:** Actually, now that you mention it, I am in need of shelter.

 **BWidow:** Didn’t you come in a ship?

 **thunder:** Of course.

 **Cap:** Problem solved.

 **Thunder:** But Loki crashed it.

 **Bucky:** Who’s Loki?

 **Cap:** You’re kidding.

 **Thunder:** I wish I was. One of his practical jokes.

 **SpiderMan:** Oh my god, I remember when Loki came here! I was sitting in class and then there were all of these aliens! It was so cool!

 **Cap:** Kid, go to sleep or something.

 **Thunder:** Listen to your uncle.

 **IAmIronMan:** Alright, the uncle is a bit too far.

 **IAmIronMan:** Kid, we’ll add you back after your exam tomorrow, yeah?

 **IAmIronMan:** We love you. Bye.

 **IAmIronMan** _removed **SpiderMan** from group chat: “Avengers”_

 **Thunder:** I, too, felt like it was too far but couldn’t help myself.

 **Cap:** You’ve been hanging out with Loki too much.

 **Thunder:** Maybe I have

 **IAmIronMan:** Is Loki going to be here too?

 **BWidow:** I thought he wasn’t allowed back on Earth until he had served his jail sentence?

 **Thunder:** He is here and will also be needing some shelter.

 **IAmIronMan:** I have the perfect place.

 **IAmIronMan:** it’s called a jail cell.

 **BWidow:** tony

 **Cap:** Tony, I hardly think that you have any right to be inhospitable.

 **Thunder:** Perfect. My GPS on this contraption says our estimated time of arrival is 4 minutes 

**IAmIronMan:** 4 minutes?!

 **Thunder:** Yes, the traffic is quite terrible in this city of yours.

 **Panther:** Can you all be more considerate of time zones? Some of us are trying to sleep!


End file.
